Ah, Song of Solomon, the oft-ignored book of the Old Testament. It's chockablock with, shall we say, interesting verses — 118 of them. Some say the book is an allegory of God's love for his people. But it also could have been written by a love-crazed King Solomon. (Yes, he of the 700 wives and 300 concubines.) Apparently, just because the guy was the wisest and richest king of his day, his little bit of prose made the final edit into the Bible.
This week, the Epistle of Joe brings you reason No. 1 why nobody reads Song of Solomon, interspersed with expert commentary.
Song of Solomon 1:9-17
"I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver."
I'm sorry, but even though I read this in my most romantic voice, Marie didn't seem to like being compared to a company of horses. Weirdest thing.
"While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts."
Um, is this getting to be rated R? At least you know things were smelling quite good. Spikenard is an aromatic oil, and myrrh is a kind of incense.
Um, is this getting to be rated R? At least you know things were smelling quite good. Spikenard is an aromatic oil, and myrrh is a kind of incense.
"My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of En-gedi. Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes."
Wow, more animals, and not exactly cute ones. I really think we learned a thing or two about wooing women in the past 3,000 years.
Wow, more animals, and not exactly cute ones. I really think we learned a thing or two about wooing women in the past 3,000 years.
"Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir."
Ladies, how do you feel when your man says you are pleasant? I'm pretty sure pleasant is a far cry from worshiping the ground you walk on. Oh yes, and behold, my house is stucco, and my walls of painted Sheetrock, and my lawn of grass. This is so romantic I can hardly stand it.
Ladies, how do you feel when your man says you are pleasant? I'm pretty sure pleasant is a far cry from worshiping the ground you walk on. Oh yes, and behold, my house is stucco, and my walls of painted Sheetrock, and my lawn of grass. This is so romantic I can hardly stand it.
3 comments:
I think that last one is official biblical endorsement of green building. "Our bed is green" probably refers to the whole bedroom; and I'm sure the cedar and fir are from Forest Stewardship Council-certified sources! And nothing says "I love you" more than "I've built you this domicile in an environmentally friendly way in order to ensure that the fruits of our begetting have a healthy planet to live in well into the future. Yea, verily."
I don't read it cause I can't read. And the missionaries told me to read the BoM.
I knew there was a reason I never read this book. Whew! I feel better now that I have a good excuse. :)
Good post, Joe. I enjoy this blog.
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