Reason No. 2 this week can easily be called Chapter 2. See where I'm going with this? This time, however, the writer of Song of Solomon seems bent on offending men instead of women with rather odd compliments.
I've come to the conclusion that the female voice of this chapter is perhaps in love with some kind of forest beast.
Song of Solomon 2:1-17
"My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies. Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether."
Sorry, guys, but I don't think this advice is going to win any ladies in the 2000s.
"The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills"
And maybe this chick is unique. Turn-ons include long walks in the forest, moonlit nights and peeping toms. Again with the beasts.
"My beloved is like a roe or a young hart behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice."
Ladies, to really win your man, try involving nature sounds during your date: a babbling brook, whispering breezes during a picnic or this:
"...the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."
Notice:
First Epistle of Joe contest!!!
Whoever can successfully describe the voice of a turtle in the comments section, wins!
First Epistle of Joe contest!!!
Whoever can successfully describe the voice of a turtle in the comments section, wins!
2 comments:
Turtles run around with ninja weapons screaming, "Cowabunga, dude!" When they're in their shells, the sound echoes, so it sounds like, "COWA Cowa cowa, BUNGA, Bunga bunga, DUDE Dude dude!" How can the ladies resist such primal ferocity!
i really love that reference to ninja turtles. I myself was imagining more of a mix between woody allen and martin scorcese, but i'm liking the ninja vibe b-tuck suggested.
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