You're fired

Old-school smackdown

If there's one thing you'd learn from the Old Testament, it would be this: Don't mess with Elijah. And though that makes sense to you and me, some people just couldn't get it through their heads.

Take the prophets of Baal. The 450 prophets of Baal. You know Baal, right? Sun god, worshiped by many. Turns out Baal doesn't help you out, even if you're bleeding.

Check out 1 Kings 18:17-40 for the whole story.

Elijah challenged the 450 prophets to a monotheistic duel. Whose god was God? Was it Baal, represented by the 450 guys in the red shorts, or the Lord, represented by Elijah in the black shorts?

Here's how it went down.

Round 1: Each side picked a bullock, cut it up and placed it on an altar. Whoever had the god that could send down fire from heaven would win.

Round 2: The 450 prophets began in the morning by calling on Baal to light their sacrifice for them. By noon, they were getting nervous and began jumping on the altar. That's when Elijah began mocking them so much they began to cut themselves — a lot.

It's about this time Elijah could have coined the phrase "Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash." But that had to be left to the writers of "Top Gun."
Round 3: Day turned to evening, and when nothing happened to Baal's bullock, Elijah had had enough. But he needed to insult the 450 prophets some more. So he had barrels of water dumped over his sacrifice and said these memorable words: "Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the Lord God..."
You know what happens. Elijah wins. The fire from the Lord came down and consumed everything, including the water, altar, stones and dust. And the people believe in the Lord.

Then, in verse 40, Elijah says this: "Take the prophets of Baal; let not one of them escape."
"And they took them: and Elijah brought them down to the brook Kishon, and slew them there."