Old-school smackdown
Remember that scene in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" where Indy is confronted with dozens of goblets and has to choose the Holy Grail from among them? Walter Donovan, the Nazi sympathizer who has followed Indy to the cave, drinks out of a golden cup, which makes him immediately whither to dust.
The Grail Knight, who watches this happen with complete calm, makes the simple statement: "He chose poorly."
So did Uzza, poor Uzza.
King David had this plan to bring the ark of the covenant back to Jerusalem and because he ordered standard ground shipping, Uzza ended up as one of the oxcart drivers who hauled the ark.
1 Chronicles 13:9-10
"And when they came unto the threshingfloor of Chidon, Uzza put forth his hand to hold the ark; for the oxen stumbled. And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzza, and he smote him, because he put his hand to the ark: and there he died before God."
He chose poorly. The lesson here is that if the ark is gonna fall, let it fall!
Two chapters later, perhaps after having studied how the ark moved around in the olden days, David upgraded his carrier.
1 Chronicles 15:2
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The first streak, a winning streak
Misconscriptured
Mark 14:51-52
"And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him:
And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked."
Mark 14:51-52
"And there followed him a certain young man, having a linen cloth cast about his naked body; and the young men laid hold on him:
And he left the linen cloth, and fled from them naked."
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Santa Claus is coming to town, and the scriptures prove it
Misconscriptured
In just a couple of days, all of your wee ones are going to pull out their Bibles before they hit the sack to commence their sugar-plum dreams. And if you're a good parent, you're going to help them make the call to St. Nick.
Hey, these are the Lord's words:
Zechariah 2:6
"Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the Lord..."
In just a couple of days, all of your wee ones are going to pull out their Bibles before they hit the sack to commence their sugar-plum dreams. And if you're a good parent, you're going to help them make the call to St. Nick.
Hey, these are the Lord's words:
Zechariah 2:6
"Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the Lord..."
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Be glad if you have a fake tree
Misconscriptured
So you have a real Christmas tree this year? It's probably your last year isn't it? I remember the one time we went to cut down a Christmas tree during a storm. The ground was muddy and I fell down while carrying it with my dad.
He was getting frustrated by that point and the guy hefted the tree by himself back to the car. I was pretty embarrassed, but I had to hand it to my dad for his feat of strength.
If you think about it, aren't there so many drawbacks to real trees?
Real trees can drop dry needles. They can dry out, fall over and become fire hazards. They can be homes for insects, spiders and other forest creatures, so adeptly described in the following documentary.
And all because of a real Christmas tree.
But you should know that the Bible hates Christmas trees, at least the real ones. Don't believe me?
Jeremiah 10:3-4
"For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not."
So you have a real Christmas tree this year? It's probably your last year isn't it? I remember the one time we went to cut down a Christmas tree during a storm. The ground was muddy and I fell down while carrying it with my dad.
He was getting frustrated by that point and the guy hefted the tree by himself back to the car. I was pretty embarrassed, but I had to hand it to my dad for his feat of strength.
If you think about it, aren't there so many drawbacks to real trees?
Real trees can drop dry needles. They can dry out, fall over and become fire hazards. They can be homes for insects, spiders and other forest creatures, so adeptly described in the following documentary.
And all because of a real Christmas tree.
But you should know that the Bible hates Christmas trees, at least the real ones. Don't believe me?
Jeremiah 10:3-4
"For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not."
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Give it up for Habakkuk
Had to be there
You have to hand it to Habakkuk. The guy lived in some troubled times. Jeremiah and Lehi were likely contemporaries. Think about what they were going through (Jeremiah proclaimed woes upon Jerusalem and Lehi got the heck out of there), and you can imagine Habakkuk's mentality, too.
Though nothing quite describes those times as this gem:
Habakkuk 2:15
"Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink, that puttest thy bottle to him, and makest him drunken also, that thou mayest look on their nakedness."
Woah, Nellie!
Habakkuk probably doesn't get the praise he deserves for putting the kibosh on that practice. And his book of just three chapters is kind of buried at the end of the Old Testament. But he did get this great statue about 2,000 years later that makes him look like John Malkovich:
It was sculpted by this guy:
Not this guy:
You have to hand it to Habakkuk. The guy lived in some troubled times. Jeremiah and Lehi were likely contemporaries. Think about what they were going through (Jeremiah proclaimed woes upon Jerusalem and Lehi got the heck out of there), and you can imagine Habakkuk's mentality, too.
Though nothing quite describes those times as this gem:
Habakkuk 2:15
"Woe unto him that giveth his neighbour drink, that puttest thy bottle to him, and makest him drunken also, that thou mayest look on their nakedness."
Woah, Nellie!
Habakkuk probably doesn't get the praise he deserves for putting the kibosh on that practice. And his book of just three chapters is kind of buried at the end of the Old Testament. But he did get this great statue about 2,000 years later that makes him look like John Malkovich:
It was sculpted by this guy:
Not this guy:
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